Marriage Moats-Oratorical
Published: Wed, 04/17/13
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage | ||||
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 Of the ten speakers, two chose to talk about the impact of divorce. They were courageous in their honesty, about the pain and pressure of growing up without a father under their roof. One was expected to help care for his siblings at the age of nine. The other expressed her anger at being ignored for most of her eighteen years. Yet here were both of them, articulate, funny, poised and grabbing destiny with both hands. I have no intention of punishing, or judging the men who were not willing to follow through on their promises. I doubt that they intended to walk away, when the vows were fresh. One speaker named addiction as being the cleaver in their family. I do wonder what would happen if those men, or any of us, could peek into the future and hear the ramifications of our choices. There was a poignant conversation soon after our seventh baby emerged from an eleven day hospital ordeal. Our oldest son, who was busy with his own life and not overly involved in the event that had hijacked mine, asked if I should have known earlier that Benjamin was sick. "Yes." I gulped down the shame. "Do you feel badly about that?" He asked without barbs. "Yes." I looked deeply at this young man, and realized almost for the first time that he will turn around one day and have commentary on his childhood. The decisions I have made about medical care, schooling, and religion will one day be on his chopping block as he crafts his own way. It is ridiculously easy to forget that when they are still in diapers, or velcro shoes. The tee shirts that say "Because I Said So" will no longer carry sway. An adult child of divorce comes into his or her own voice, and it seems they have a lot to say. Photo by Stephen Conroy
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