Marriage Moats-As If

Published: Thu, 04/04/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I was chatting with a lifelong friend about the relationships in our lives that are painful. She said she had a new mantra.

"I am going to act as if there will be healing. I am preparing for it." This was a game changer for me. Being less evolved than her I was floundering with someone I love, clutching blame and self pity as if they were my floaties in the deep end. I had toyed with dramatic ways to burn bridges with a flourish, never considering they might one day be the way home.

Act as if. I remember a chapter in Conjugial Love about pretending. The word used is simulations, which reminds me of pilots in training, practicing what to do in a thunderstorm. Rehearsal is a good idea, seeing how often storms come up.

One of the ways I go on autopilot is before meals and at bedtime. The routine includes prayer, mingled with gratitude. More often than I like to admit thankfulness is not on the tip of my tongue, after grating the cheese and piling pasta on a plate. But the habit is entrenched and we pause to hold hands and say a blessing. As if I am floating in gratitude.

Sometimes that is all it takes to make it real.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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