Marriage Moats-Commission

Published: Sat, 04/06/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I am almost finished the quilt I agreed to make for a girl graduating from high school next month. I am increasingly nervous.

Her mother brought over two bins of tee shirts and jeans, and we agreed on the pattern called Dresden Plate. Yet I worry. When she sees the reality of what she chose will she be pleased? I am relieved that the quilting has gone better than I expected, considering the back. It is a medley of twelve inch blocks of sweatshirts, which are not famous for the stability one would hope for while zooming on the other side of a thick sandwich of four layers.

I have another concern. Is she assuming I will hand quilt? I never said I would. I never said I wouldn't. Aside from the fact that hand quilting would triple the time I have already spent, it is not actually possible to worm a size eleven needle through terry cloth and denim. But I forgot to mention that.

Sewing on commission has its perks. You know it will be sold. But it also has its perils. When someone buys a quilt at a craft show they can see it. No guessing. When a person approaches me with a partially formed idea, and I stab in the dark for an estimate to charge, there is room for disappointment. I have had a few of those. Projects that I was sure would bring a smile brought revisions instead. Repeatedly. I thought I was following through on what I agreed to. She wanted more. I suppose that's why I feel safest just giving quilts as gifts. Then the recipient has no business complaining. Or if they do I sneak into their house at midnight to steal it back.

I read an article once by a man whose wife was leaving him. He was dumbfounded. He thought he was being faithful to the promise he made to love, honor and bring home the bacon. But five years in she was dissatisfied. She wanted him to express his feelings, and listen as if he was riveted. He would much rather go back to the store for more bacon.

One downfall about marriage is that it is a commission. You are investing in something that has not been made yet. A barely twenty something adult is not a spouse. He or she can get there, but it will necessitate cutting things out. A newlywed may start off with a half baked idea of what this couple thing will look like, and sometimes they are disappointed.

I suppose that is why God chooses to give his gifts away, rather than pretend that we have somehow purchased them.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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