Marriage Moats-Overwhelm

Published: Tue, 04/02/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

The other day I saw a little girl who was careening wildly around the room. Her mother had two other kids, and was trying to keep her from knocking over furniture or disrupting the other children. I offered to hold the baby so she could keep up with her daughter, but that did not help much. Then two were crying. I did not jump to the assumption of autism but I suspected. When she had the two younger ones harnessed in a double stroller I took a plunge.

"I don't want to poke into your business, but I wonder if we could talk sometime. I have a son on the spectrum." She knew me somewhat and looked relieved.

"Yes, yes, I need that." I promised to get her my number.

I am part of a group for special moms, or rather moms of special kids. We meet early in the summer to catch up on our children and each other. There is a century of experience around the table when we gather to eat a spectacular meal. Last year there were four kinds of salad, homemade bread and quiche. We dined on the patio with lemon in our tea.

I will not be of much real help to this woman, who looks like she can use it. But if she joins us she can ask her questions about programs and respite care, developmental delays and wrangling with insurance. And she can cry. I almost hesitate to hand her platitudes about how it will get easier, even though for us it has. Does that actually clear the air for a woman who can barely wolf down her breakfast without incident?

I heard a quote once, whose author I cannot recall, about how we are on this planet to ease the burdens of others. Although I only held her baby for a minute, I ache to lighten her load. My arms are stronger than they were when I began.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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