I have a friend whose marriage is sinking. While it can be hard to quantify pain she said it hurts much more than childbirth ever did. That got my attention. Even extended labor is over in a day or maybe two. But her suffering has dragged on through the seasons.  I have tried to be a safe harbor for her as she thrashes around in stormy waters. 

 

There are things she cannot control, such as her husband's choice to stay. The rejection is excruciating. Neither can she keep the public persona of their relationship from spilling through the floorboards. 

 

But she retains a few powers. She has chosen not to be consumed by anger or revenge. She said her banner reads Courtesy and she sees it in her mind when they speak. She has also chosen to stay faithful to her commitment. Even he cannot snatch that from her. While she is learning to let go of the desire to control him or to beg him to return, she can keep her promise to God. However disheveled it may look on the outside she is accessing an alternate source of peace. 

 

Being with her reminds me of renewable energy. I have never personally lived off the grid. When my lights go out in a thunderstorm they stay out until a man in a truck repairs the fallen wires. But there are folks who have tapped into another kind of fuel. Wind is itself invisible yet it has the strength to keep the blades of a turbine spinning, or the fabric of a balloon inflated. My friend has tapped into a power source that cannot be ripped from her. Fears about the uncertainty ahead no longer leave her stranded. 

 

Photo by Kat Gatti

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