Marriage Moats-Rough Night

Published: Tue, 02/26/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Sunday night there was an epic tantrum by Benjamin. Concurrent with the Oscars, he delivered a performance that lasted as long as an episode of Star Trek, and made as much noise as a Klingon attack.

John handled it with aplomb, protecting the rest of us from most of the heat. I agreed to sweep in the next morning for clean up. I checked in with him a few times, and his shields held 99% of the time. He did not take it personally.

What moved me about the ordeal was the shift from our first batch of kids. In the eighties we responded to childish behavior with... childish behavior in a bigger body. I remember one time I was about to drive our son to school, and gave myself a pep talk.

"I am a good listener. I can do this. I can remain calm. Whatever he says, I will be detached."

By the time we had made it a mile I was yelling.

"Get out! And you can walk home buster!!"

But in providence, John and I get another chance to try. It is still hard, but our child's behavior feels less like a report card on our parenting and more like a chance to shine light on the shadows in their lives.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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