Marriage Moats-Windshield

Published: Sun, 03/03/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

It was a hustle getting out the door, and I had not anticipated facing an icy windshield. Since I had mentally said goodbye to winter I got sloppy and left both scrapers in the van and was forced to be creative about visibility in the small car. Benjamin had no comment. He sat munching the last of his toast and watched with moderate interest while I tried various long thin inhabitants of the umbrella can which is also home to the scrapers, which as I said were AWOL. The wooden sword made a dent in the layer of frost, and when I eventually climbed in I pushed the button for the back window.

Varroooom. Frodo started up, bless him, and Benjamin and I were off to school only a few minutes tardy. I looked in the mirror to scan the effects of the wires embedded in the back window, the ones that heat it from within.

"Wow! It works fast!" I thought. The window's ice was already melting along the lines, affording me a view of the road behind. Maybe I could drive backwards. By the time we got to his school it was completely clear.

I pondered the genius who first figured out the strategy of laying coils in the glass before it even meets the rest of my car. Whoever he was I blew him a kiss and wished I was in Anna, the car with seats that get warm too with the flick of a switch.

Already in place.

The inconvenience of hunting down a scraper and laboriously abrading the frost, while my passenger sat in the snug car, stood in contrast to the ease with which the back window came clear.

When marriages run cold, it can be a complete hassle to find ways to defrost them.

"Sign up for a class with who knows what other boring couples, go to some awkward person's living room to talk about my problems? I don't think so," barks the average reluctant husband.

"Get a mentor? You gotta be kidding. What kind of Joe Schmoe thinks he can tell me about my life anyway?"

"Go to a conference?!?!? Not a chance. You can go if you jolly well want and blab all day with your girls about communication, but I will be home watching the game. Pass the chips."

I scratch my head about ways to embed warmth in marriages long before the first frost. What if mentors were as routine as bridal registries? There could be a space after NAMES, right above LINENS.

MENTORS. I would definitely make it a required field.

When John and I were at our feistiest, the years with more children than we knew what to do with, and not enough time even if we did, marriage group was embedded in our life's view. Mad or not it was on the schedule and since we ran it we felt obliged to show up. There were times we arrived in separate cars, not because we were coming from separate locations but because we were living on different planets.

Photo by Jenny Stein

you can support us at