Marriage Moats-Kindness

Published: Tue, 02/19/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I have three copies of Random Acts of Kindness. I even have one of Random Acts of Kindness by Animals. The gestures of altruism warm me like an early spring day. Sasha Dichter is a huge fan of generosity as is Brene Brown. On her blog is a story about a three year old who dissolves in peals of laughter when she and her mother buy ice cream for everyone else in the store.

"Mommy it is SO much fun to do nice things for people when you don't even know their name!"

Agreed. But let that not overshadow the pure pleasure of kindness to people whose name you know by heart.

Things that were outrageously sweet before John and I were married came in small packages, like a phone call when I was sad, or holding hands in public. He wrote me letters when we were a thousand miles apart on olive green paper. He signed them, "All my love".

Now that we are hitched those benevolences melt into the routine of a large family. But they are still tender.

One of the distinctions between pre and post wedding kindness is convenience. To send me a message when he lived in Pennsylvania and my home was Chicago he had to find a dime and use a pay phone, chucking in a stream of dimes for long distance. Or he had to rustle up paper and an envelope, a stamp and a ride to the post office. Since we began living under one roof all he has to do is roll over to kiss me. No need to even open his eyes. Delivering a sugary message can fit between "Hurry, girls, we're late!" and "Did you take out the trash last night?" No postage necessary. No set up fees.

But kindness is still a class act, even if you share a last name.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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