Marriage Moats-Make it Easier

Published: Sat, 03/09/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

There are helpful hints that can make perennial problems disappear. Some of them are in a list that includes using paper clips to untangle an octopus of wires, or a dustpan to funnel water from a spigot into a waiting bucket. I especially like the snappy way to fold undershirts, though I have not yet mastered it. But I keep watching. The rubber band around a paint can is genius. It makes me want to paint the dining room just so I can try it. Unrolling the rim of a paper cup to increase its capacity is brilliant too, and the suggestion to take a photo of a friend with the item they borrowed would probably increase the likelihood that I remember where it went. Who knew that chewing gum would keep you from crying when chopping onions, or a little twist could keep extension cords from separating? Not me. The brownie in a mug is fabulous, and using dental floss to cut a cake is great. I have mashed plenty of desserts in my time. The noodle to keep toddlers from falling out of bed is hilarious, and the time lines on the water bottle would certainly help anyone achieve their intake goal.

I am grateful to the people who shared these ideas, and made them available for free. There are benefactors in the marriage world too, folks who want to help couples untangle their lives. John Gottman outlines the 5 to 1 ratio. Michele Weiner Davis articulates the way one person can bring positive change. Scott Stanley gives a cogent talk about commitment.

If I were to make a list of snappy suggestions it might go like this.

1. Stay in today. Resist the urge to yank in past conflicts.

2. Take a picture of the two of you having a good time. Look at it often so you can get the feeling back.

3. Label the issues. Which are yours? Which are your partners'? Which belong to someone else?
4. Hold hands when you are talking about tough stuff. It will help keep you from separating.

5. Open up your capacity for love. Walk in nature. Play music. Hug. Look deeply. Breath.

6. Have a pedometer to measure the miles you walk together, or a jar of cash you want to spend on your marriage each month.

7. Use the Word to cut through a negative mood. Read together, not because you feel like it now but because you want to retrieve peace.

8. Have boundaries that keep you from falling apart. No name calling. No blaming. No eye rolling. No silent treatment.

9. Watch couples who have mastered good communication. Spend time with them.

10. Forget the gum. It's ok if you cry.

Photo by Andy Sullivan

you can support us at