There is a new book on my coffee table. It is not for a lack of them on my shelves, but it seemed prudent to shake it up a bit. Plus a friend recommended this one. Highly Happy Marriages is by the woman who wrote For Women Only, which I liked so much I bought four copies for the lending library. They are after all pretty economical, used.
I am just a few chapters in but the premise is that with only a clutch of small efforts you can garner big results. She did her homework, in that she interviewed thousands of couples, dividing them into categories of very happy, pretty happy, and struggling. She discovered a few things about the ones in which both partners identified themselves as very happy.
They appreciate each other. Out loud. Often. It can be easy to think that after having thanked your partner approximately four hundred times they may have gotten the message. But it seems there is no saturation point for us humans. We like to hear it again.
They also express those sentiments in front of other people. In our small groups, and when we go out for coffee with couples we call it brag time. Tell us what you love about your spouse. It's fun to watch the face of the one being spoken about.
Another fascinating thing, which is not what shows up on your average sit com, is that these people are believers. They fundamentally buy into the idea that their partner loves them. Wishes them well. Wants their happiness. Even when they are upset, and maybe especially when they are, that belief can be the rudder to keep you from capsizing in a storm.
I have used that notion as my guiding force. Even when John did exactly what I asked him not to, given the choice of thinking he wants to hurt me or that he actually cares, I tipped to the latter. No matter how angry I was that still, small voice could calm me down.
Taking it further, it resonates with my relationship with God. Faced with the unsolvable problems that hunt me and probably you, I come back to the belief that God cares about me. About His people. Even the ones who are facing heart breaking circumstances. To abandon that trust would be to let go of the only thing that keeps me from being swallowed up completely.
