John and I went to speak to the senior girls during their religion class. This has been a sweet exchange over the past eight years, stepping into the world of students about to embark on life outside a high school classroom. 

Years ago, we leaned into education, such as Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages. Sometimes we showed short videos like The Tale of Two Brains, or The Nail. Other times I wanted to make them feel special, bringing flowers and chocolate. 

We invite them to name a couple whose marriage inspires them. Then I ask them to list a dozen movies, books or tv shows that include a healthy marriage. Rarely can they make it to twelve. Strong marriages are not what most movies focus on. 

One year, they remembered me as the person who came to sing in their preschool room, and we leaped into those refrains. Every time, though, John and I played at least a couple of the songs we have written, and if we were lucky, they sang along. 

These last few times, our emphasis has been on listening well. We give them the chance to try simple tools that invite attentiveness. The Five Yeses, and Name That Feeling are short, and can bring connection easily. It was delightful to hear their reactions when it was over. 

"I really felt heard."

"She knew what I was trying to say. It felt good."

Then we had a few more minutes and on the spur of the moment we taught them a game. It involves one person knowing an object, and describing to the other how to draw it, without using geometric shapes. There was laughter spilled in with the confused faces, as one girl tried to give clear instructions, and the other tried to follow them. 

As it happened, later that day, John was giving me directions to a place that I had never been. As I made one mistake after another, and texted him for help, I remembered the game. It helped me be more light-hearted about the challenges in describing a path, and understanding it. 

It turns out that marriage, and relationships, are supposed to be fun. Playing is as much on task as knowing your partner's love language.