Once I heard of a remote tribal society that had a unique way of handling transgressions. They bring the offender into the center of the village, and create a circle around him or her. Then people take turns saying positive things about the person... things he or she has done in the past that they appreciate, qualities they respect, favorite memories.  When everyone has spoken, the circle disperses.

It is believed that lifting the transgressor up will give them the strength and reason they desperately need to mend the breach of trust. 

 As a society we have tried every variation of the alternative, including not just beating a dead horse but beating up the person. What would it take to put down the billy stick? 

In working with young children I sometimes respond to unkindnesses with "Angela is a very sweet girl. She usually includes everyone," to the other children, and also to her. It seems to lift the child out of her own ditch, with remembrance of how she can and has been willing to be a good friend.

Give voice to those helium filled words with your partner. Then grab a shoelace and see if you don't go up too.