Two of the presenters at the conference have almost half a century of experience behind their words. Ray and Star Silverman gave a workshop that included research, stories, practical advice, and hope. 

 

Ray and Star offered wisdom from over a dozen authors, including one in the audience. John Gottman, Cloe Madanas and Tony Robbins, Gary Chapman, Abraham Maslow, and Vera and David Mace have all contributed to the field of marriage education, and their pithy wisdom was laced  into this ninety minute talk. 

 

Amazingly, it all dovetailed with their own book, Rise Above It, which has been the focus of a college course at Bryn Athyn College for ten years. Now that Ray is retiring, they will provide it to the community, especially with a focus on its application to marriage. 

 

One of the quotes they gave us was "Never waste a good conflict", and in that spirit, listed a menu of ways to navigate them together. One is to switch into a different dialect when tension shows up. Somehow the issue loses its punch when you are speaking like a Southern belle. Another is the simple word "ouch" to say that you feel hurt by your partner's words. Not an accusation, but just an honest expression of how it landed. This can slow things down, and give both of you a chance to be careful. 

 

The Instant Replay technique is an agreement to redo a conversation that went awry, with the intention to do better. 

 

My quiver is so full of great options, it almost makes me want to have a tiff.