The Longly-Weds Know
That it isn’t about the Golden Anniversary at all,
But about all the unremarkable years
that Hallmark doesn’t even make a card for.
It’s about the 2nd anniversary when they were surprised
to find they
cared for each other more than last year
And the 4th when both kids had chicken pox
and she threw her shoe at him for no real reason
And the 6th when he accidentally got drunk on the way
home from work because being a husband and father
was so damn hard.
It’s about the 11th and 12th and 13th years when
they
discovered they could survive crisis.
And the 22nd anniversary when they looked
at each other across the empty nest, and found it good
It’s about the 37th year when she finally
decided she could never change him
And the 38th when he decided
a little change wasn’t that bad
It’s about the 46th
anniversary when they both
bought cards, and forgot to give them to each other.
But most of all, it’s about the end of the 49th year
when they discovered you don’t have to be old
to have your 50th anniversary!!!!
- Leah Furnas
A friend sent me this poem, which made me smile. I smiled a second time when I remembered that the sender's marriage ended long ago. Yet she expressed no wistfulness, in sharing it. It turns out that we can enjoy a dream even if it has not dropped into our own lap. This happens with those blessed aunts and neighbors and teachers who adore children who are not their own.
I have been
given children. More than my share, but I also find great joy in knowing other people's kids. Like yesterday, when a little girl and I were chatting. I asked if she had joined the choristers choir, which is for people her size.
"Singing is not really my calling," she explained in her eight-year-old wisdom.
"Really? What is your calling?"
"Archeology."
This week, John and I had lunch
with a couple who have been married longer than us. Near the end of our time together, they each articulated a way they are hoping to be better partners. I took the cue, and admitted my own intention to stop trying to change John. To which he responded that he is glad for some of the ways I have changed him.
