Church was about clothes. It was easy to figure that out even before the minister opened his mouth, with a wardrobe of a dozen dresses and jackets spread out across the chairs. When he invited children to come up and try some on, there was a pause. But Ben did not need to hear it twice. He wanted to wear the fireman's coat and helmet. He turned to show me. 

 

"I feel brave," he said. 

 

A few years back there was an abandoned house on fire near the post office, and Ben took it upon himself to go encourage the heroes. I would not have sanctioned a trip toward an active emergency, but he came home safely. 

 

Yet the real message on Sunday was not fashion sense. Clothes are like the feelings and thoughts we can put on. It is common to identify with those emotions, using language like "I am angry!" rather than "Anger is on me now."

 

The minister demonstrated the dilemma by trying to pull off a shirt, the way we might try to shake off irritation, but it got stuck on his hand. He just couldn't let go. In the discussion, we all shared ways we have of changing our ill-fitting ideas, or rumpled moods. Reading the bible, or doing an act of kindness are some that work. Deep breaths, and music also help me. 

 

A panic attack erupted in Benjamin's room this week. He could not articulate whether it was a nightmare that thrust him into yelling, and thrashing. It has been a long time since those emotions have constricted him, and I was alarmed. John and I found ways to pull off the anger like a too tight straight jacket, and within a short time he was calm again. 

 

A few days ago Ben sent this message to his family on a group chat. 

 

Heroes are made by kindness, courage and wisdom while friendships are built by loyalty. Heroes are made not by their lack of fear, but by their willingness to fight their fears for what they know is right. Heroes do not fake danger, they save people from danger when it happens unexpectedly. Family and friends are a greater treasure than gold. A wise ruler always puts his/her subjects first. A wise leader always plans before acting. Loving yourself is not about being self-centered, it's about being happy with who you are.