A friend was describing the prep she went through before a hike out west. Having found the right thermal socks, backpack, and sleeping bag, she tried out new boots. The three day preamble had lower stakes, and would help her uncover any problems with her gear. 

 

Her foot bones complained loudly. Fortunately, there was time to retool before the epic adventure, and address the needs of a body that she expected to carry her for thirty miles. 

 

What she discovered was that the pain in the balls of her feet was linked to a lack of arch support. Once that was in place, the pain was gone. 

 

It was not that she was trying to prove something, like people who find themselves gasping at 20,000 feet because they wanted to ascend Mt Everest without oxygen. She hoped to get to the end of the trail with minimal suffering. 

 

One of the ways I try to provide support for marriage is small groups. It is not that the couple is spared the work of communication, and spending time on their relationship. It is simply that there is a structure in place to help them get where they want to go. 

 

Pain in a relationship can show up in one place, like annoyance at our partner, when the real source is an issue from our childhood. I had a visceral response to not knowing where John was, back before cell phones. Eventually we realized that I was reacting to memories from my family of origin. 

 

This summer there will be a marriage group starting, in which five or six couples will travel a few hours together. All without leaving their chairs.