I carried a burden for a few days. It hovered in the background while I emptied the dishwasher, and drove to the store. The monologue I was trapped in was a protective stance, deflecting the advice I rebranded as criticism. 

Even in my place of anger I knew that the comment was made to help rather than hurt. But John Gottman was right. Defensiveness is not a friend to relationships. A brick wall built to ward off a perceived attack is still a barrier. 

A woman who listened to my inner struggle asked a simple question. 

"What are you afraid of?"

It was such a completely new angle I think I lifted my head. In considering her question I realized that there were no dangers lurking. Someone had made a suggestion. I could heed it or not. Even a day later I am tempted to laugh at my own sense of being captive. There are an expanse of responses more freeing than rebuttal. 

Love,