Benjamin's siblings are good to him. The attention they give to pleasing him at Christmas is remarkable. This is without the slightest expectation of reciprocation, mind you, and yet it troubles me that he forgets to even say thank you. With a prompt, he will mutter it, without looking up, but frankly I find it flat. We have gone over this. Yet gratitude is not one of the virtues Benjamin has developed. 

This year his brothers and sister presented him with a Lego Advent calendar, wireless headphones, and an excursion to The Please Touch Museum which is currently hosting his favorite characters. At no small expense they have sought to make him happy. 

Don't tell Benjamin, but his lukewarm responses have worn me out. Which is why everything I wrapped for him this year was from Heavenly Hand Me Downs. That is a local group that offers second hand items for a few bucks. Disney trivia books, puzzles, and some games were my attempt to give him joy. Or at least distraction. With a modest investment, I found I had less of a need to be thanked. Which is a relief. I can find contentment in the sight of him next to me reading the book for half an hour.

I'm not proposing that I solved the conundrum. It turns out that I am not devoid of my own disappointments. Sometimes it feels like a see saw. My elevated anticipation of a reaction to something I gave comes down like a thud. A minor effort to show kindness made a friend kick their heels up into the air. 

Maybe I am looking in the wrong direction. In waiting for Ben to show appreciation I give less time to the miracle that is unfettered generosity. 

Love,