It is astonishing to me how much young children learn. Opening doors, walking, pronouns, social cues, and building with blocks all slide into a preschooler's capacity to participate in the life of the family without so much as a tutorial. 

 

"This is how we turn the knob, Shirley. Do you see my wrist? Swivel, don't push."

 

"Now repeat after me.... T-O-W-E-R. It rhymes with flower, those pretty bushes in the yard." 

 

Watching seems to be enough. Listening, too, solidifies the sounds that make up language. If a sibling or parent thinks that games are worth playing and words are worth saying, then by golly the baby does too. You would be hard pressed to stop them from mimicking you. 

 

"No, no, Robby, no walking! Sit on the rug."

 

"No, Sally, keep quiet. Conversation is for grown ups. You will learn when you are older. For now I will do the talking."

 

Observing a couple who treats one another with respect goes a long way for me in trying it on for size. My favorite uncle and aunt shared the dance of their marriage with many of us, through groups, and workshops. I remember eavesdropping on a conversation about how they made decisions. She expressed how she felt when he chose not to retire when he could. It had been her dream that they spend more time together while their health was still vibrant. But he believed he was impacting the lives of people he worked with, and was reluctant to stop.

 

That workshop was two decades ago, and yet I learned more from it than reading fifty pages of a book offering bullet points on why respect in marriage is pivotal. Thanks to the author for the advice, but what does it look like?