There is a stalled relationship in my life that I have given up on. Well, let me rephrase that. I have stopped hoping. There comes a point when hope is too tired and falls asleep, so I quietly stepped back from a closed door to avoid waking her.
There is not an edge of anger in that statement, at least that I am aware of. People are allowed to create their own circles of trust. The memories of when we were close before are still precious to me, and they have not sullied from being outdated. I take some solace in believing that this woman has all the listening ears and comfortable hugs she wants. She does not need me. So I wish her
well. Pray for her.
I hear that stars are sources of light that shined long ago. Yet their beauty arrives in our eyes tonight, when we stand in the darkness. It is still a gift many years later.
The other day someone suggested that I should keep
trying, which surprised me. I considered what it would look like to step back in to conversation, but there was no flickering possibility. Distance is familiar now, and I can live with it.
Thoughts of people I love who have lost touch with someone they cared for, keep me company. In fact I feel close to those fellow wanderers in a way that makes no sense. Times they told
me about a child they no longer speak with, or a sister that doesn't answer calls seep into my mind with a clarity I could not have predicted. Rather than the companionship of the person I expected, and let go of, I have affection for people who have also lost someone.
Maybe this is how the dance of life works.