Our firstborn son has been employed for twenty five years. He has always had a knack for finding jobs, without the merest guidance from me. Lukas was the sound tech for his church when he was too young to have a license, and eased into bigger jobs after he was. One time I picked him up after his shift, in our red Jetta, and he said he wanted to show me something. We were in the underground parking which had a bunch of cement pillars holding up the building. Lukas took the wheel and proceeded to drive in circles, very fast, avoiding all calamities and screeching the wheels. I freaked out, which was the response he expected. 

 

"I have been practicing," he smiled. 

 

Back when he was little, he had a toy steering wheel that had knobs and a plastic key. He liked to pretend he was in the driver's seat. He went on to be a much more capable driver than I ever was. I still wish he was here when I consider parking in tight spaces. Mostly I give up and park farther away. 

 

A friend told me about a time she was driving on the interstate in severe fog. She could not really see the road, so she turned on the driver's assist and exhaled. Somehow the car kept her between the lines. 

 

My life sustains the illusion that I am self determining. I make my own choices, and plan my destiny. But is that really what's happening? Sometimes it feels like God is steering me through narrow escapes and near misses. My reaction is to scream, like I did today.

 

Maybe I landed this job, and mothered these children. Perhaps I said the right thing in a difficult conversation, and showed up right when a friend was hurting. But then again maybe I was in the passenger's seat all along. 

 

 

"As a result the person is in the middle and is not conscious of the evil or of the good; and being in the middle he is in freedom to turn towards one or towards the other. Angels from the Lord employ means like these to lead and protect a person, doing so every instant and fraction of an instant." 

-Secrets of Heaven 5992, Emanuel Swedenborg

 

It turns out that God has been practicing.