Once I heard of a remote tribal society that had a unique way of handling transgressions. They bring the offender into the center of the village, and create a circle around him or her. Then people take turns saying positive things about the person... things he or she has done in the past that they appreciate, qualities they respect, favorite memories.  When everyone has spoken, the circle disperses.

It is believed that lifting the transgressor up will give them the strength and reason they desperately need to mend the breach of trust. 

I can still remember being a guest in my favorite aunt's house, over 20 years ago. I wanted to be a good guest, and listened attentively as she showed me her home. Then she casually said, "I am sure if you need anything else you will figure it out."

What? She believed I was capable of solving a problem that might come up? She trusted me?  The feeling of elation is still with me.

In working with young children I sometimes respond to unkindnesses with "Angela is a very sweet girl. She usually includes everyone," to the other children, and also to her. It seems to lift the child out of her own ditch, with remembrance of how she can and has been willing to be a good friend.

Give voice to those helium filled words with your partner. Then grab a shoelace and see if you don't go up too.