I heard a presentation on the quandary of touchy subjects. In the delicate turf around topics that can erupt at any moment, you know, the ones that have been unresolved in the past thousand years, how does anyone begin?
The speaker made a distinction between uncomfortable and unsafe. It is squirmy to bring up issues like racial bias, and gender inequity. But it is possible to stay in the conversation even if it is not what you could call homogeneous. In fact, it can be more interesting that way, stepping out of what the presenter described as an echo chamber. Hearing my point of view over and over can be familiar, but does not edge me toward growth.
Even if there is a glut of opinions, however, there can also be the underlying construct of respect. You can achieve safety even within disparity. They made an analogy to physical training. If your coach is not pushing the team enough to be uncomfortable, it seems unlikely that they are making progress. But he or she also needs to protect them from injury, or abuse.
In a relationship conflict is inevitable. Unless you marry your identical twin, and oops come to think of it even they sometimes get mad, you are going to have discord. But safety is an entirely different metric, one that needs to be as sensitive as the fire alarm. Even a little electrical fire is unacceptable.
