The litany of questions that comprise a routine physical can seem like nitpicking.
Do you experience shortness of breath?
Is there a fluttering feeling around your heart?
Is there pain in your neck, jaw, throat, and/or back?
Do you experience heartburn?
Is there
swelling in your ankles?
They may seem random but it can be the means for a skilled physician to predict heart disease. It may not be fun to hear, but doing something about it can mean you are still around for your grandchildren.
The book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman includes questions too.
When your partner complains do you feel picked on?
Do you feel
misunderstood?
Do you feel like you don't get credit for the positive things you do?
Do you feel unfairly blamed?
Do you feel the need to ward off your partner's complaints?
When your partner is talking do you plan ways to retaliate?
If you have a lot of yeses, you may be suffering from Defensiveness. Gottman has identified Four Horsemen, of which this is one, and he asserts
that they are toxic to marriage. Lacking a description, it is easy for me to be dismissive about the possibility. But in a test like this one, I have to admit the questions hit home.
He has tests for the other three horsemen too. Here are some from the condition known as Contempt.
Do you have trouble thinking of anything you admire about your partner?
When you argue can you see the
glaring faults of your partner?
Do you sometimes try to point out ways that your partner is inadequate?
Do you try to put your partner down?
It is often hard to see your partner's point of view?
Do you sometimes think your partner is stupid?
Diagnosis is a vital part of good health. But the crux of the matter is changing how we live. Treating a
tendency like Contempt, or Defensiveness, Criticism or Stonewalling could mean your marriage is still around for your grandchildren.
