I tried ignoring it but it did not go away. My son's therapist suggests not giving any attention when Benjamin is only a little bit naughty, but it does not seem to work with laundry.  I am resigned to washing the clothes that are caked in ketchup, but the ones that are only mildly dirty do not seem willing to repent on their own.
 

We have an embarrassing volume of clothes, enough to  keep us from rewearing soiled shirts for quite some time. Hence the siege on the washing machine could go on for a fortnight. 

 

Today I thought I could just take a minuscule step in the direction of the basement.  I collected one child's clothes and put them near enough to the machine that they could climb in of their own volition, like the cowboy in Toy Story. Then I followed a maze of diversions... read email, made some toast, forgot it while I put some dishes in the dishwasher,  picked up stray bowls in the living room, remembered the toast, retoasted it, took some unmatched shoes to the bedroom... and then... I saw him! John was... sorting laundry! In our marital division of labor this was as noteworthy as me checking the oil in the car... it does not happen often.

 

It had an immediate affect on my motivational scores. I started working with him. I guess loneliness is part and parcel to many of life's mundane tasks, and the simple presence of him with me made it friendly. One added plus to having waited so long was that there were plenty of clothes to divide into monochromatic mountains.... black, red, blue, white, tan... no hand wringing decisions about whether the flowered skirt is dark or light.

 

Routine marriage work can be lonely too. If you are working on curbing criticism, there are not many incentives to pull you forward like the conveyor belt at the grocery store. But knowing that someone else is working on it at their house gives momentum to the effort. I have a friend who is doing the Complaint Free World challenge, and that simple fact is like helium to my soul. I feel her effort empowering me to try to hold my own flapping  tongue.

 

It is helpful to have a laundry buddy. You laugh as you put a purple polka dot bathing suit on your head, and remind each other to check pockets for stray crayons. It helps to have friends with Complaint Free purple bracelets. The pause that replaces where a tirade about the Gulf spill would easily fit into the conversation gives your heart breathing room. 

 

And it lightens the load to work in concert with other couples on my marriage. Maybe everyone who reads this will smile to know that there is an invisible conveyor belt that several hundred other folks have all willingly climbed on, pulling them in the direction of a kinder relationship.