Knowing the answer is an alluring goal. I admit to having spent the last few minutes trying to guess the five letter word in a puzzle. There is no reward to speak of, unless you count bragging rights. But those evaporate faster than morning dew on petals. 

 

There are only a few more weeks of classes where I teach and although I ask no questions of my costume students regarding multiple choice, most teachers do. One might argue that those correct answers disappear quickly as well. 

 

Adult life demanded a different cache of answers, like whether to take this child with a fever to the doctor, or how many cookies are enough to consume in one sitting. On occasion I applauded myself for finding the right one, either because I didn't head to the ER but the fever broke, or no one got a tummy ache from chocolate chips. Gradually, being correct took a back seat to my children's well being. My investment in finding the absolute response to a naughty child went down. I began to see fingerprints of who was actually raising them anyway. My cleverness, or holding to unyielding principle lost its luster. 

 

As my perspective widens still further, I notice that there was more than one direction I could have taken. God would have modified his providence to allow for a spectrum of decisions. I am increasingly comfortable with not knowing the answers. The ignorance that is becoming familiar leaves space for God to be the one who knows. 

 

"Even among the angels themselves, who enjoy the greatest possible light from understanding and wisdom, holiness resides in ignorance. They recognize and admit that they know nothing on their own, that anything they do know comes from the Lord. They also recognize and admit that all their learning, their understanding, and their wisdom is nothing compared to the Lord's infinite knowledge and therefore that theirs is ignorance." Heavenly Secrets 1557