It is a sweet consolation prize that my dad's influence has lasted more than twenty years after he died. He went back to grad school to become a counselor, and since I was the youngest kid at home, he practiced on me. By that I do not mean that he gave me umpteen hours of therapy, but rather he impressed on me that listening is worth every minute you invest in it. 

There is a TED talk by a woman named Celeste Headlee who makes her living listening to people. She is an interviewer on such programs as NPR. She offered a string of nuggets to improving our conversations. I will list some here, not with the intention of burdening you with shoulds but as an invitation. The speaker suggests that mastering only one will improve your communication. 

1. Don't multitask. By this she includes not only putting down your screen, but quieting your inner check list. Your tendency to plan supper while your husband is rattling on undermines your ability to be present. 

2. Don't pontificate. The person in front of you is an expert in something. Be curious. Rather than seeing them as a captive audience, set yourself aside. 

3. Ask open ended questions. I remember a workshop I took to improve listening in which I kept asking questions that limited the person to yes or no responses. I thought I was being engaging. The presenter gently showed me that I had a tight grip on the dialogue. 

4. Don't put the speaker on hold. Sometimes when the other person says something that spurs a thought for us, we cease listening in order to keep track of what we hope to say when we get a chance. But in muting them we miss everything they say in the meantime. 

5. Don't make it about you. I am still confused by the feature on my phone that lets me take a picture of myself rather than the person in front of me. That is the switch people make when they interrupt. "That happened to me once too. Let me tell you about it."

Good listening isn't just polite. It is an underused opening to discovering what Celeste believes, and my dad did as well. Everyone is interesting.