I know less than I used to. That could feel like regression, except that with it comes a sense of calm. There are conundrums that I cannot solve. Paradoxes that befuddle me. Oxymorons that taunt me with their simplicity. 

Yet all is well. 

While I spend less time with the car seat set than I used to, their impact remains. Young children have no chagrin from coming up empty when it comes to answers. In fact I once fielded streams of questions about "Why?" when I was preoccupied with dishes, or changing the baby. God offers such willingness to admit ignorance as a benchmark for angel hood. 

“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18

I recall a wistful longing, thirty years ago, when I imagined that my sixties would usher in a red carpet of wisdom. Young mothers would ask me about those problems that vex them and I would graciously grant sagacity. It turns out that all I really know is that I want to be like their children. Exuberant. Curious. Trusting. 

"In any human being but the Lord, holiness can dwell only in ignorance; if it does not dwell in ignorance, it is not holy. Even among the angels themselves, who enjoy the greatest possible light from understanding and wisdom, holiness resides in ignorance. They recognize and admit that they know nothing on their own, that anything they do know comes from the Lord. They also recognize and admit that all their learning, their understanding, and their wisdom is nothing compared to the Lord's infinite knowledge and therefore that theirs is ignorance. If we fail to acknowledge that what we do not know amounts to infinitely more than what we do know, we cannot experience the holy ignorance of the angels."

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