We have a friend who is a doctor. Has been for twenty five years. He puts in long hours, and yet still makes his family the priority. Being at his kids' sports events, and going on hikes together has never been pushed off his to do list by pressures at work. There isn't a question in anyone's mind that they matter.
"No is my friend. Because it means I am saying yes to my family."
They are headed on vacation next week, where they will explore the beaches, and local food. I asked about how hard it was to get off the time.
"My coworkers hate me. I won't be on the committees, or take an extra shift, because I refuse to let my marriage and kids be ignored. They resent that."
He was clear in his priorities. Then he went on to talk about what it is like to see the same diseases year after year.
"The part I care about is the stuff around the diagnosis. Their lifestyle, and how it impacts the diabetes or liver condition. I can prescribe drugs, and move on. But I am more invested in finding out why they drink to excess, and won't exercise. Dis-ease means not at peace. I want to understand what keeps them from enjoying their lives and their bodies."
I thought about some of the nos in my life. And the maybes. Having a clear directive about whether it serves the people and projects I care about would be a good cleaver, as I try to sort through the never ending requests on my time.
For now I think I will go sit beside Ben. He has a new string of jokes to tell me.
