Marriage Moats- Another Way to Learn

Published: Tue, 03/01/22



 
 
Another Way to Learn Caring for Marriage
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                                                                                                                                  Photo by Joy Feerrar

I recall when one of the relationships in my life was strained. This is not newsworthy, everyone could say as much. But I realized that this is a blessing too. 

I tried to look closely at the disconnect, and why it hurt. There was a lack of friendly exchange. As negative feedback outnumbered positive, I felt the need to retreat. This afforded me real compassion for situations in which someone withdraws. I found myself relating to middle school boys who skip class, or employees who quit. 

One of the lowest eras in our marriage was when we had four kids, little money, and no security. When John would come home from a temp job I usually pelted him with complaints. It was understandable, in that I was thigh deep in uncertainty. But I realized that I was sending John strong messages to not come home at all. 

Our life didn't suddenly get smoother, but I did realize that giving him reasons to return was a good idea. I think I learned from the absence of goodwill in a way that added dimension to any awareness I had accrued from its abundance. What fuels our love for the sunlight more than losing it each night?

It is helpful to read books, or take workshops about the value of kindness in marriage. But experiencing its absence goes a long way toward cherishing it.


Love,
Lori