I have never been the main bread winner in our house. While I have contributed to our finances with part time teaching, and sewing, and marriage work it is John who has kept us afloat.

For a few years in Albuquerque he was a bi-vocational minister, and worked diligently at a series of short term gigs to feed our family of six. I remember the excitement when his hourly wage leaped from five dollars to eleven. But despite his efforts, we were pretty poor. Enough in fact to qualify for food stamps. This was hard on me but I have an inkling that it was still harder on him. I have wondered if underemployment for a man is comparable to infertility for a woman. But there is no valid way to quantify pain. Or shame. 

A friend whose husband was out of work said that they were seeking a scholarship for a program they wanted to join. It was embarrassing to have to admit the need but the secretary was discreet. 

"I can see that this condition is temporary."

She gave them the benefit of the doubt. Her assumption was that he was trying and would soon be working again. Even that small affirmation shielded them from harm. 

Many of the hardships we tromp through are in fact temporary. Anger subsides. Loneliness abates. Illness recedes. Broken hearts mend. 

One of the kindnesses we can offer one another is the remembrance that our failings are not permanent.