One of the phrases my older sister handed me a long time ago stuck.

 

"You are a so so dog."

 

Let me explain. One of the hazards of high aspirations is the free fall from there into reality. I read an article that describes happiness in terms of the gap between expectations and what is. It overviews three generations... mine, my mother's and my children's. While sweeping statements can be simplistic, they can also be a slim bridge into understanding another person's experience. I always sensed that my parents had a different world view than me, as do my kids, but it is hard for any of us to articulate it. It's like trying to describe a color. Where do you start? 

 

The author posits that the generation that grew up in the wake of the Great Depression were obsessed with security. Stability. No one had time to be choosy, they just wanted a job. In their lifetime the phrase "a secure career" showed up frequently in the literature. But that precise objective has declined in use, replaced by the notion of "a fulfilling career".

 

The expectations that are prominent in today's world pivot around self fulfillment. Finding your passion. That would have not gotten any traction in the forties. Stop dreaming and get to work. 

 

My own father scrambled to provide for his family, and popcorned from diverse jobs to do it. Medical photographer. Middle school science teacher. Marriage counselor. Life guard. Automotive engineer. Secretary. Man of the cloth. 

 

My mother was a devoted caregiver to her children, but I doubt she ever cracked a book besides Dr. Spock. The one with round ears, not pointy. The only embellishments to school were the occasional dance class, provided it was within walking distance and required nothing more elaborate than tights. My generation took parenting more rabidly. We consumed shelves of books, signed up for birth classes, drove our toddlers to music lessons, our daughters to dance competitions in pricey costumes, and our pre adolescents to soccer finals in another state. 

 

But my sister suggested to me that being a so so dog was okay too. Not top dog. So so dog. 

 

My mind meanders to the possibility that expectations in relationships have morphed as well. While a stable marriage was enough for many people in the Kennedy administration, now the bar has risen to a fulfilling one.

 

Is that good? Is it bad? Maybe it just is.